When it happens at such a young age, it can drastically alter the course of development. Trauma as a child has a profound and not fully understood impact on human development. Having experienced that must have been incredibly painful. I saw this and wanted to respond in hopes I could help direct you towards an answer that will help you get more sustainable help. Hello, I am a practicing licensed therapist, with a masters in social work and starting a psychology doctoral program soon and have been working for a good long time. Only let people in who will be respectful. get rid of, I mean go no contact with ASAP, anyone that makes you feel less than them - and doesn't seem concerned about it - if they have no respect for you - get them out of your life. I'd recommend time with self, self awareness, fostering self love and boundaries. So much coercive control and abuse that is only recently being seen by professionals. and head to YouTube - there are many videos on Narcissistic survival and recovery. It's not okay to disrespect you, and yes, if you are in contact with someone many times a week - when they reduce that to once without a why - you have a right to ask. Learning to love yourself and getting to where you really know you deserve better is key. People who ignore you for a week and have a go at you about it when you say that's not okay - are worth letting go. You deserved better from your Mum and from your school. Hi anonymous, I'm not qualified in this area, but I identify as having CPTSD as a result of having a narcissistic mother and family. So I really don't know if it's just self-esteem or it's a combination.īut sometimes I do relive the actual trauma, the feeling that the trauma caused me and I have these flashbacks of the event, like a movie that plays in the back of my head.Īnd then I have feelings of denial, like it's not true, he doesn't love me, he just wants me for sex. I have never had a relationship and I become so shy and self conscious for fear that I won't be good enough. I am also very sensitive when I am dating, the last 2 guys I dated I made this huge drama because they didn't talk to me for one week. I didn't want to date him, because I don't think I'll ever be good enough and that I have such a troubled mind that I would never be good enough. He was still there for me but at the moment I had this horrible fear of being alone again. I feel like it has happened around every 2 years in the past 6 years.Īnd sometimes dating makes me remember the experience.īut the last thing is that I have a friend and I didn't even want to date him because I thought I would lose him, so I told him that.īut I felt soooo helpless, like I would lose him anyway and I cried so much, even though he didn't ghost me or anything. But not in the exact way, I relive the feeling of abandonement, but I also the feeling of not wanting to tell anyone about what I am going through so I push people away and I lock myself in my room when these things happen. So I hold everything in, until I can't anymore and I explode into tears. I also feel like I can't talk about my emotions or feelings freely because my mother would always shame me for those emotions and those moments I wanted to cry. Then after I feel ashamed I step out of my own self like If my body is just an experiment and I look at the problem from the outside. I feel helpless whenever I am rejected and sometimes It takes me a long time to let go of the feelings of rejection.
so she parked and took like 5 minutes and then she dropped me in school anyways.Īnyways. We were in the car and I began crying desperately. I remember that she only ever listened to me once, when I was already 11 years old. Saying that I was just crying as a form of manipulation. When I was a kid, I would cry because I did not want to go to school, which is where I experienced these horrible events, but my mom would ignore me. But somehow I keep thinking that maybe the problem should be more intense. I suffered from intense bullying, verbal rejection by all my peers from 8-10 years old and then was ghosted by my 2 best friends at 11 years old.